if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
