I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
