Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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