Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
