So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
