foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
