Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have fence marks all over my body
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
