dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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