i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
