wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
