If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
