hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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