I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
