Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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