so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
