dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
