i was born a porn star she said
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize