Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
