peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
