Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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