I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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