Betty ford says i'm here all night
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
