i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
