"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
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As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
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I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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