You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
