it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
