Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
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It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
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So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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