walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
