I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
