I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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