Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize