Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
