apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
