im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
