he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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