I want to stick my p in your. b.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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