First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
