i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
