there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
