sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
