I think my vagina is haunted
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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