im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
