if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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