So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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