i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
