so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
