Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
