I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
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There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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