first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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