you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
