spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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