my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
