The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
