but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
