he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
