I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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