Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
