somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
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My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
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Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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