I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
