when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
