Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
