U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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