Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
