I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
