i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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