I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
