Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
