I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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