But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
