At least make sure they are 18
Why
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize