There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
