Barsexuality is the new black.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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