Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize