low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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