I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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