bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
