guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
