Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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