I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
